I went to CVS today and their magazine rack was like, “Hey, you haven’t felt super bad about yourself in a while. Want us to fix that for ya?”
I SURE AS SHIT DO, CVS! Not only that, I will happily pay for the privilege!
Also, yes, that is definitely what every woman I know wears to the gym. Forkin’ NAILED it. 🙄
Y’all. He asked her AGAIN.
I’m not made of stone, for heaven’s sake — that’s a-goddamn-dorable.
Ahem…The spokesmodel for Aveeno skincare products, ladies and gentlemen.
Via Huffington Post:
“The objectification and scrutiny we put women through is absurd and disturbing … a reflection of how we see and portray women in general, measured against some warped standard of beauty. Sometimes cultural standards just need a different perspective so we can see them for what they really are — a collective acceptance… a subconscious agreement. We are in charge of our agreement. Little girls everywhere are absorbing our agreement, passive or otherwise. And it begins early. The message that girls are not pretty unless they’re incredibly thin, that they’re not worthy of our attention unless they look like a supermodel or an actress on the cover of a magazine is something we’re all willingly buying into. This conditioning is something girls then carry into womanhood. We use celebrity ‘news’ to perpetuate this dehumanizing view of females, focused solely on one’s physical appearance, which tabloids turn into a sporting event of speculation.”
Earlier I wondered if I’m walking around all Bitchface McIrritable at work today because I have PMS.
And then I saw this, got viciously angry, then weepy-sad, so… that answers that.
My body image has been hovering around decent lately, so I’m pissed this got to me, but Christ, this is what *I* look like, just shorter. People are fucking awful.
But then…Hm, I still think she’s hot, so I must be hot, too.
Right, then. Done and done. Good work, Brain.
Via E! Online and Hateful Fuckers Everywhere: Amy Schumer Slams Haters After Beach Body Criticism, Says She Looks ”Strong and Healthy”
There’s a Justin Timberlake song called “Damn, Girl” in which the first lyrics are just him repeating, “Damn, girl; damn, girl; damn, girl; damn, girl; damn…”
I’m not coveting her in a naked way, but… damn, girl.
She’s my body-image hero. I want us to have amazing boobs and that sweet waist curve and go shoot arrows together.
“I’m over trying to find the ‘adorable’ way to state my opinion and still be likable! Fuck that. I don’t think I’ve ever worked for a man in charge who spent time contemplating what angle he should use to have his voice heard. It’s just heard.” 
Not that I had much faith to begin with, but it’s ruined now.
Though, does that mean the Hamm-shank (Jon Hamm’s majestic penis) is available to fuck random chubby chicks with issues? 
I’m not gonna lie, I would LOVE to see Jennifer Lawrence naked. I have such a huge lady boner for her. But… I don’t want to see her naked unless she wants me to (which I hope she does some day).
Via Playboy: Jennifer Lawrence Is Not a Thing to Be Passed Around
This is an irritating realization, because I definitely searched (unsuccessfully) for photos of Anthony Weiner’s penis, and have absolutely looked more than once at that Tumblr page dedicated to Jon Hamm’s penis bulge (which I refer to affectionately as “Hamm-shank”). And frankly, if HIS phone had been hacked, I’d have an incredibly hard — engorged…swollen…turgid…tumescent… AHEM — time not looking at those photos. (UNF.)
Goddammit. Now I have to reexamine my principles. I only have, like, six of them. I’m going to be so pissed if I have to develop another.
If I’d known about Robin Williams earlier, I definitely would’ve stopped for ice cream on the way home from my stressful workday. I haven’t enjoyed a Robin Williams movie since Goodwill Hunting, which was 1997, so I have no real explanation for why my Twitter feed had me in tears tonight. But these feelings could definitely stand to be eaten.
But for those of you who remember the pistachio story, rest assured, I’m still not sad enough to eat that shit. (Yes, it’s still in the freezer. Yes, I KNOW.)
I love you guys, though. And rest in peace, my Captain.
Via USA Today: Four Stars Bare All for Allure Annual Nude Issue.
“For Minnie Driver, 44, the timing was right. ‘I never could have done this when I was 25. No way. All I saw were the flaws. I still see flaws, but I see what’s great more—and I’ve got a banging body.'”
Go on, girl, get it.
Smug Singleton 