Cleanliness is next to “oh, god”-liness

I’ve been emailing with a guy I met at my last job — nothing naughty, just a fast friendship. He mentioned he’s a messy bachelor by nature, but that he cleaned his apartment to make it suitable for THE LADIES.

My response:

“In a fit of anti-clutter optimism around Christmas, I pulled all my collector Barbies out of the closet so I could procure proper storage for them and get rid of the cardboard shipping boxes they’d been living in. But I didn’t GET the storage, I just threw out all the cardboard. So now there are — still — around 25 Barbies sitting atop both my bedroom dressers. So the last time I had sex, Barbies watched. I apologized to the guy and explained why they were there, but curiously, voyeur Barbies aren’t a big red flag for a guy who really wants to get his dick wet.

“BTW, part of the reason I broke up with that guy is that he never invited me to his apartment because it was ‘too messy.’ Um… CLEAN, then. Jesus. How bad did you let it get?! So good on you, cleaning for yo’ ladies!

“P.S. I am not an insane Barbie collector. My mother bought them for me when I was a kid, and I don’t have the heart to donate them. (And this is why *I* don’t collect things.)”