This guy invented the Department of “Are You Fucking Serious?”

Just as a matter of policy, if your first OKCupid message to me says simply, “Hello sticky buns,” you will never be the reason my buns are sticky.

Also? No punctuation. I think I’m actually more offended by that, but I guess it’s all part of The Complete Goddamn Pig starter set. (Gold chains and mommy issues sold separately.)

Wait… Unless he HAS actual sticky buns? Maybe he meant, “Hello. Sticky buns?” like as an offering. You’d be surprised how many things I can overlook when plied with baked goods. That glaze moistens more than just doughnuts.