In a list of his favorite comedians, a man on Match writes, “Louis CK (don’t care).”
Oh, OK, cool, thanks for saving me time thinking you might NOT be garbage.
My profile says something like, “I used to love Louis CK but now I can only see him as a creepy ginger jerking off.”
“If you SAY you’re a feminist, then FUCK like a feminist.”
I’d buy that t-shirt. Make it so, Sam Bee.
Hell, can I get that tattooed on my lower abdomen?
Via Huffington Post: No Prison For Colorado Student Who Raped ‘Helpless’ Freshman.
20 years’ probation because “we need to find out whether he can or cannot be rehabilitated?” Really? “Hey, listen, we’re gonna let this one slide, but we’re gonna need you to try super hard to not rape anyone else until 2036, ‘kay? Swearsies realsies?”
BTW, I know what they thought they were doing, but when you put “helpless” in quotation marks like that, it looks like you’re implying she was allegedly helpless. Also, “He raped her as she drifted out of consciousness and lied about what he had done.” That sounds like she lied while he raped her. Write a goddamn sentence, would you?
And oh…OH!…”Wilkerson’s friends and family said the crime was a ‘traumatic incident’ for him. They asked the judge to consider Wilkerson’s future, and said he ‘will go far in this world if not defined by this one incident.’ … Wilkerson admitted to investigators he’d made advances to the victim that night, ‘but that she rebuffed him each time, and that he felt ‘pissed off’ and called her a ‘fucking bitch.’ Wilkerson told the jury…their sexual activity was consensual.”
No, see…rebuffing you each time? IS NOT CONSENT, YOU ENTITLED DICKHEAD SHITHEEL FUCKFACE. That’s what’s known as an OPPOSITE — by, like, A LOT.
And oh, no, the rapist would have to worry about his special wittle future? Did sexually violating a half-conscious woman give him teh sadz? Boo hoo hoo, I could just cry.
Meanwhile, I’m sure his victim’s future will be — to quote Patton Oswalt — “a sheetcake made of victory and talking owls.”
Fucking fuck fuckity fuckery fuck.
See also: Fuck.
OMG, SHAMY!
I haven’t seen this show in years because it stopped being funny, but this was so sweet. They’re adorable, I want to hug them.
Also, asking verbal consent AND a contractual backup? Well played, Dr. Cooper. (We’ll let that comment about “litigious society” go. OK, fine, he’s an awkward virgin — whatever. They still make it sound like he could get fake-rape-sued. As if that is a thing that happens all the time.)
Wait. What was my point? Oh, right. Sweet. It was sweet.
Via The Onion: NFL Announces New Zero-Tolerance Policy On Videotaped Domestic Violence
Personally, I’d have gone with joking about any videotaped violence involving players is property of the NFL, and how distribution is prohibited without express written permission. But I guess that’s why The Onion has 4 million Facebook followers and I have 37 (in a row?).
But come to think of it, isn’t it interesting how the NFL has such explicit and concrete rules about consent?
Everyone who cares has seen the Breaking Bad finale, no? I’ll do my best to hide this, just in case…
Smug Singleton 