There goes my conscientious objection to buying women’s magazines

Girl, get it. GET IT.

Though… Fuck me, now I have to buy Cosmopolitan.

Ashley Graham: “I’m Giving Curvy Women a Seat at the Table”AG.jpg

The Landmark Case of Penis v. Doughnut

Texting with a friend in California:

Friend: “The guy who owns the doughnut shop by my house looks a bit like Shaun T.”
Me: “Right, then. So I’ll hop a plane out there first thing tomorrow?”
Friend: “He sells Fruity Pebbles doughnut, too.”
Me: “What?! SHIT. I need that in my face. (I’ll leave it up to you whether I’m referring to the man or the doughnut. I haven’t quite decided myself.)”
Friend: “Both?”
Me: “I think it’d have to be, yeah. Man first, though — I’m gluttonous, not stupid.”
Friend: “You could try the infamous Cosmo suggestion of a doughnut on a penis.”
Me: “I was thinking that, but didn’t want to be weird.”

I’m all about supporting small, local businesses any way I can, you guys.

Her axle is decidedly not draggin’.

DAMN, girl!

Three things:

1. Looks like I’ll have to go buy Cosmo for the first time in 100 years.

2. I love how the cover encourages women to “UP YOUR CASH FLOW”…right next to her boobs.

3. I can’t WAIT to get my new 2016 ass. I really hope it arrives in time for New Year’s.

Via E! Online: Miranda Lambert Still Figuring Out “What Happened” During Her Marriage to Blake Shelton That Led to Divorce


Rebel Wilson’s “relevant and dope” new fashion line

Via CosmopolitanRebel Wilson’s New Fashion Line Is Here — and It’s Amazing

I actually don’t get the appeal of Rebel Wilson as an actor. I don’t think she’s as funny as everyone else seems to think she is.


This line really is cute. I felt bad that I didn’t like a lot of the stuff Melissa McCarthy made, and it was SO cost-prohibitive. (You know you’re fucked when something’s at Nordstrom.) But Torrid? I might be able to hang with Torrid. And OMG, the model is the CUTEST.


Full disclosure: Depending on the week, I am one or two sizes away from “plus size,” and don’t believe it should be a thing. Clothes should just come in sizes. But I love seeing more options being made available, especially cute, affordable ones with adorable models.

Yay, women! And also nipples!

I took a bit of a…vacation. We’ll call it a vacation.

And I was waiting for just the right time to come back to blogging, and lo, the Universe bestowed upon me this priceless bit of ad placement in a “Cosmopolitan” article titled “The 20 Best Moments for Women in 2014.”

Yay, women! And also nipples!

Deep Throat Thoughts

Via Cosmo and the ever-brilliant Anna Breslaw: 14 Things the Average Woman Thinks While Giving a Blowjob

My thoughts are usually (in no particular order):
1. “Am I doing OK? Is this working for him?”
2. “Ooh. He made a happy noise. Keep doing what made that happen.”
3. “Look how happy he is! For the honor of Grayskull, I have the POWER!”
4. “I hope he believes in reciprocity.”
5. “Ugh, would it be totally unsexy to put my hair in a ponytail so it stops going in my mouth? Yes, it would. Goddammit.”
6. “Gahhhhh, ow, fucking carpal tunnel!”
7. In the style of Larry Kubiak: “Sex now?”