You, sir, are a gentleman and a scholar.

I wanna high-five every male porn star who goes down on his lady for more than a minute.

I mean, it almost never happens, so it wouldn’t take long. I’d probably get a lot of other stuff done that day. Starting with hand washing.

Oh, say? Can you see…my vagina?

So I was watching some porn. Don’t judge me, Friday night is Me Time. Plus, research!

In this particular vagnette, a guy wearing a backwards baseball cap went down on a woman in what looked like a fairly impressive manner, and was definitely an impressive amount of time for porn. Time spent on cunnilingus in porn is kinda like dog years — they spend one minute doing it and we’re supposed to believe it was as effective as 7 minutes’ work.

But dude. Lose the hat!

First off, I don’t even know what your deal is with the cap. You have McDreamy hair, man — flaunt that shit.

Also, going down on a woman demands at least the same reverence as hearing the national anthem at a ballpark. Show some respect and take off the hat, at least for the duration of your civic duty.

Finally, how hot is it to grab a man’s hair while he’s saying all sorts of sooth vis-a-vis your lady lair? I love that! The woman was obviously used to grabbing hair, too, ’cause she was grabbing at the hat like, “Why the fuck are you still wearing this?”

Gentlemen. Kindly de-hat at some point in the proceedings.

I’m Smug Singleton and I approved this message.

P.S. Truth? Some of the men who’ve done that to me have done it so earth-shakingly well that I probably wouldn’t have noticed if they’d had on a clown outfit. (Um, but please don’t ever do that. Gah.)

Tasteless. But tasty!

Let’s end the day on a good note, shall we?

Via OhJoySexToy.com: How to Eat Pussy. (Sorry, that’s what it’s called. But it’s just a cartoon.)

A friend sent this to me. I’m trying not to believe he thought of me because I look like the woman in the comic. Regardless, I’ll just leave my cartoon doppelgänger here, and simply say that I hope y’all have a lovely and, um, productive weekend. *wink wink, nudge nudge*

(Oh, and hey, a comic called “How to Eat Pussy?” — NSFW.)