I mean…we gotta kill this guy, right? I don’t WANT to, but I’m not really seeing any alternative.
BRB, changing all my dating profile pics…
Friday night I signed up for Bumble. Late Saturday night I sent messages to eight entire men. Today I’m staring at the phone waiting for the guy who looks like a more reserved Pete Holmes to write me back, because damn, dude, HIGH TIDE.
(If you haven’t heard the Holmes bit, the high tide is in my pants.) 🌊
I haven’t actually seen the Gillette ad, but this amused me.
I would’ve let it keep going just for the stories, but good for her.
There’s something so gross about dating profiles in which men say they want to spoil their girlfriends. Or even better, “spoil my lady.” 🤢
Fuck you, dude, I can spoil my damn self. I need YOU to go down on me and do the dishes.
My brain on online dating: “Have I told you lately that you’re an undateable garbage monster?”
Also my brain on online dating: “Mm hm, sure have — several times, actually. Also, shut the fuck up, I’m trying to get us laid here.”
This seems like a whole lotta words in an online dating profile when you could just SAY “willing to try butt stuff.”