Hope and bedsprings eternal

There’s a Chris Rock bit where he talks about men talking too damn much and ruining a woman’s desire to fuck them — “You say the wrong thing, them panties are comin’ up mighty fast. A woman wants to fuck you? Shut up, let it happen.”

(I’m QUITE sure this also happens when women talk too much to men — I have most assuredly DONE it, I know my own.)

But I went out tonight to see a friend’s band play at my local townie bar, and immediately wanted to bang one of the singers — hot, glasses, tattoos, super muscle-y arms that could throw me all around… UNF.

But then dude started talking. And during the course of his performance, he said someone had “killed hisself,” and he also dabbled in some light “jokey” homophobia AND as a bonus, mocked his friend for saying something kinda intellectual-like — you know how we hate all that book learnin’.

Also, he swore so much that even *I* was like, “GodDAMN, man. You wanna fuckin’ dial that back?”

So. Alas, tonight was not the night I lured an unsuspecting male back to my lair. But hope springs eternal!

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Spellcheck done betrayed you, man…

The first thing you see in an OkCupid profile is a “My self summary.”

Just saw a guy whose first and only line read: “I’ve been called a modern day Renascence man…”

Iiiiii…BET you haven’t.

This man’s stomach is screwing up my evaluation process.

Email to friends: “Usually if I see a dude on OkCupid with shirtless selfies in his profile, I pass, but, um… a) I want to lick this guy’s stomach, and b) DOG!”
 
P.S. I blurred his face to post the pic here — he’s not some super weird self-face-blurring shirtless dude.
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Attention-deficit/hypersensitivity disorder

At the end of his first OkCupid message, responding to a particular line in my profile, a man asked, “Why don’t you like Cuddling?”

Um, why don’t YOU like boundaries, fuckface? All the other things I said, you’re gonna start in with some shit right off the top?

I have things to DO, sir. I don’t have time for cuddling (or, in fact, “Cuddling”).

Ahem… See, this is why I don’t actually date, but DO go to therapy.

(In defense of my intimacy issues, what I actually SAID is, “I’m not a big fan of cuddling.” I have ADD, dude — I get bored.)

Dry, Eagles, Dryyy

I MAY have been OkCupid ghosted because I told the guy I didn’t watch the Eagles playoff game last weekend.

Which, you know…that’s fine. Enjoy waiting for the Eagles to wet your dick.

Caught in a Bad “Modern Romance”

The whole Aziz Ansari thing has brought up a lot of weird shit for me, because I know I’ve let things happen I didn’t want to, for a lot of different reasons, and the men couldn’t possibly have known I wasn’t into it, because I pretended to be. And I would never blame them for that.

That said, this woman is saying she made it clear, verbally and non, that she wanted to slow things down. And so I do blame him.

THAT said, I DID wonder why she didn’t leave, even having BEEN in similar situations where I ALSO didn’t leave, and I wasn’t even with a famously “woke” comedian who’s literally written a book on “Modern Romance.”

This sums it up.
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