Amanda Seales on dating:
“I’m a grown-up woman. I’m lookin’ at every dick like the side of a cereal box — I wanna know your nutritional value. Are you exceeding my daily recommended dose of fuckboi?”
If you haven’t watched this, you should.
Man, Facebook’s algorithms are really getting good at zeroing in on my interests. #AllStarCock #BrotherlyLoveIndeed
Heh. What a coincidence — I also like Dick.
“Hey, Smug, how’s online dating going?”SO glad you asked, gentle reader!
[Beavis snicker]
OK, listen, I KNOW there are colder places than Philly, but it’s fucking colder than it goddamn should be and we still have to go outside and that is horseshit and I am crabby and winter can eat a bag of dicks.
*deep breath*
Carry on.
Sometimes my brain is an asshole and tells me awful things, so the therapist has been encouraging me to “reframe” my perspective to something more positive.
To that end, I am NOT single because I am “boring,” or “stupid,” or “undesirable.”
I am merely on Dick Sabbatical. *nod* Sounds scholarly, right? Like I’d been researching dick so zealously for such a long time that one day I went to the board and I was just like, “Naw, man, I need a break — I have cock fatigue.”
#PhDick
The Cute Dog Guy from OkCupid DID in fact send me a series of adorable dog (not dong) pics, AND a video of a dog frolicking on the banks of a lake.
So of course I reported back to my Friends Focus Group…
I’ve been messaging with the OkCupid guy with the cute dog. Yesterday he was taking the dog to meet another dog and make dog friends, and I demanded photos of this occasion. He messaged that he had taken some, and I sent him my number and told him to text them.
So what are we thinking — like, 50/50 one of the pics will be of his dick?
60/40, probably, right? Cloudy with a chance of cock?
Smug Singleton 