SWM seeks unicorn

1. This Match profile has SO many layers of weird.

2. Can’t imagine why dude is divorced.

Petty with a Chance of Fiddles

I get a lot of (good-natured) ribbing for liking country music, but I don’t know how I could possibly NOT adore these lyrics paired with three sassy ladies, rollicking GUI-tars, and some motherfucking fiddles.

(Pistol Annies, “Got My Name Changed Back.” Catchy as fuck.)

Her axle is decidedly not draggin’.

DAMN, girl!

Three things:

1. Looks like I’ll have to go buy Cosmo for the first time in 100 years.

2. I love how the cover encourages women to “UP YOUR CASH FLOW”…right next to her boobs.

3. I can’t WAIT to get my new 2016 ass. I really hope it arrives in time for New Year’s.

Via E! Online: Miranda Lambert Still Figuring Out “What Happened” During Her Marriage to Blake Shelton That Led to Divorce

Faith in love = ruined. Desire for Hamm = all-time high.

Not that I had much faith to begin with, but it’s ruined now.

Though, does that mean the Hamm-shank (Jon Hamm’s majestic penis) is available to fuck random chubby chicks with issues?  

Of course it’s weird. Have we met?

I’m growing a little weary of people telling me it’s weird or codependent that I still talk to my ex.

It wasn’t a bad breakup. He’s been one of my best friends, my family, for 10 years. Maybe it’s not conventional, but my divorced parents are Facebook friends, so maybe we’re just not a conventional people. He will be part of my life in some capacity for the foreseeable future; the scope of that capacity is still being determined.

And hey, for a while there, if I didn’t talk to him, y’all might have been visiting me in an asylum. So can we all agree that, while it may well have been codependent, it was certainly the better option? Let’s be honest: As unhealthy breakup behavior goes, it was by far the least stupid thing I did.

Also? I paid to ask a therapist, and she said it was fine. So there.

I hope you had the timeline of your life…

Weird sign of the times: a friend announced her divorce on her Facebook timeline. And I “liked” it. (I’m not JUST a dick — it’d been in process a while, and she was genuinely happy it was settled. Still, odd.)

“Divorce is always good news. I know that sounds weird, but it’s true, because no good marriage has ever ended in divorce. It’s really that simple. That would be sad. If two people were married and they were really happy and they just had a great thing and then they got divorced, that would be really sad. But that has happened zero times.”
— Louis C.K.

Relationship timeshare.

It probably speaks volumes about being a child of divorce that I just realized I want a boyfriend I only have to see every other weekend and on holidays. #daddyissues