A watched iPhone never beeps with a text that saves your faith in humanity.

Having given this some thought, and having STILL not heard from this guy…

I had sex with a person I liked, and who, at the time, I honestly thought liked me. Not LOVED me, not falling for me, but like…we could be friends.

THEN he started fading away. We haven’t had sex since.

So, that’s not this guy keeping me around to get his dick wet, not any reason for me to feel slutty. That’s a relationship that started, was fine for a few weeks, then…ended? I guess? It’d be SUPER great to be sure of that. I don’t think I’ll be convinced until we get to the weekend and he’s still radio silent. (We had tentative plans.)

I WILL actually be hurt if he just ghosted. Not BADLY, but I slept with him because I thought we were at least THAT cool. Like, hey, I swallowed your semen — show some goddamn respect.

But I can handle “ghosting;” I’ve been on the other side of that. Nice person, fine in bed, but just not for me, but I’m a little bitch who can’t just say that, hence the fadeaway.*

That helps.

*For the record, though, it DOES feel shitty and I’ve tried to learn to be a goddamn grownup and tell people. It sucks, but it’s not THAT bad. Tell people. Don’t be a dick.

Just one day of asshole amnesty

I don’t do the “America, fuck yeah!” post, and I don’t do “Where I was on 9/11,” because no one cares where I was. It’s even more narcissistic than “thoughts and prayers” — “I mean, yeah, thousands died, but here’s what *I* was doing!” 

I realize even doing THIS is self-centered.
But I take today as an opportunity to let the people I love know I appreciate them, so… Hey, guys. I appreciate you. Thanks for following my silliness. 💕

Here’s hoping you don’t encounter any dumbass online anger or terrible people today. Hug someone cool.

And hey, if you’re a dick and I don’t realize because I don’t know you, maybe take the day off and don’t be a dick? Try it, see how it goes. You can always go back to dick tomorrow. (Wait, no…not what I meant…)

So many asshole jokes, so little time.

Well, I mean…They’re basically fucking the town in the ass, anyway. So maybe they’ll at least go to jail for THAT.

Instead of Helping Flint, Michigan Republicans Just Passed a Bill That Makes Anal Sex Illegal

Putting the “men” in “entitlement.”

A 27-year-old on OkCupid sent me an intro message the other night, and I wasn’t interested, so I deleted it without responding.

This morning he sent a followup message: “You’re too pretty to give up on. I’m very persistent!”

Sweetie? This brand of “persistence” does not end with you getting the girl. Please don’t make me get all J. Lo in Enough — no one needs to see my midriff, I’m too lazy to learn boxing, and I would look absurd with that haircut. So maybe just quit being a dick.

I’ve also noticed many profiles that say things like, “If I send you a message, it’s rude to just ignore it and leave me wondering. The least you can do is write back to say you’re not interested.” Um, no, actually. The LEAST I can do is ignore you. It’s one click to delete a message. Writing you back adds the effort of keystrokes, so… that’s more I’d have to do, not least. See how words work?

And boo hoo, a stranger finds me “rude?” Not polite and acquiescent like a proper lady should be? I’m sad. No, really. This is my sad face.

If a guy doesn’t respond to my message within a day or two, I don’t wonder — he’s not interested.

Via Body For Wife: She Doesn’t Owe You Shit

“Boys will be assholes”

Taken from the A Mighty Girl Facebook page:  

I always thought “boys will be boys” referred to more innocuous stuff like, I don’t know, leaving socks on the floor or citing sports stats.

When used to laugh off harassment, it shifts to the “don’t be a dick” philosophy. I’m not trying to take away your manhood, I swear. I WANT you to be all grunty and take me. Just…you know, try to be cool about it. You’re not getting to “grunty” without basic decency (my entire 2013 notwithstanding).

Animal urges aside, we’re humans, not apes. We deserve and should expect better. Not just women, but HUMANS — don’t be an asshole.

Hot women-on-women crime…

Apparently it’s an Elizabeth Gilbert kind of day in my brain, but I was also thinking about this after reading Amy Poehler’s book, Yes Please, where she talks about stay-at-home moms v. working moms, breastfeeding, and that whole culture, and listening to Girl On Guy with Aisha Tyler discussing infertility and the completely inappropriate and disheartening things people can say about it.
Even besides being kind to other women, just… don’t be a dick to anyone, OK? Generally. Blanket policy. I LOVE blankets. I love dick. WIN-WIN.

Unless people are dicks to you. Then by all means, you dick right back. You hear me? YOU. DICK. RIGHT. BACK.

(I may be a little winter-loopy, sorry.)

But P.S.? You look terrific!

Re-blog: “24 Rules for Being a Gentleman in 2014”

Kind of “don’t be a dick” rules for everyone, really.

But this one got to me: “Do not sleep with anyone who wants a relationship from you that you are not prepared to give. Using their affection to get something from them physically is easy, but it makes you a bad person.”