I’m conscientiously objecting to Thanksgiving dinner with my family this year, in favor of sleeping in, not driving, and avoiding small talk, and now having an irresponsible quantity of Indian food delivered and getting ready to scare myself shitless by watching Ma in the dark.
It is easily one of my top 5 best mental health choices of the year.
I hope you’re all having an equally wondrous and self-determined holiday, and if you’re not, I hope there’s alcohol and pie.
❤️
Post-therapy-by-phone text to friends.
I might leave work early and pick up some more bonus therapy by way whiskey. And fried cheese. That’s probably what she really meant by “journaling.”
It seems silly to be single with no kids and only one job and say, “I don’t have the time or energy to deal with starting a relationship.” But I’ve just gotten home at 7 p.m. after an unexpectedly late evening at work, which isn’t unusual. I don’t feel like talking to anyone, and the only thing I want in me is tater tots and a glass of wine. And then I want to go to sleep like the fat, tranquilized bear that I am.
I’m having one of those weeks where I can’t understand how anyone has time to do anything, ever. You people are fucking wizards, I swear.
Oh, trust — my mother inspires nearly ALL my gin consumption. #ginspiration
Via Ms. Andry’s Bath House on Facebook, my new #goals for the evening
It’s funny when my brain tries being an asshole like it doesn’t know I have access to pills, bourbon, cheese, chocolate, and pictures of baby animals.
Not today, fuckface.
Man, Facebook’s algorithms are really getting good at zeroing in on my interests. #AllStarCock #BrotherlyLoveIndeed
We all know I have weird anxiety about answering online dating messages, so…I’m-a just start drinking this bottle of wine, plop my laptop in front of me, and see if I l get inspired.
What could possibly go wrong?
Merry Christmas, you magnificent weirdos. I am grateful for you all.
And also for pie.
And Paxil.
And wine. SO much wine.
But mostly for you all, I swear.
I’m going to yet ANOTHER wedding by myself tomorrow.
Please send thoughts and prayers I end up AT LEAST getting drunkenly fondled in a coat closet this time.
Smug Singleton 