No, thanks, I only eat air and cognitive dissonance.

My family, over the course of one 4-hour gathering: “Look how fat Aunt So-and-So got. And her husband’s no better, he’s about to keel over any day, he’s so big … Look at that woman on TV, she’s too heavy to be wearing that dress … Have you ever seen that show, My 600-Pound Life? So disgusting, I’d just stop feeding them all that junk if I were their caregiver … Hey, Smug, do you want some kielbasa or some cheesecake?”

Ummmmm… CHRIST the fuck, no. My surprise that I made it through life without an eating disorder is oddly filling.

Landmark case of Diet v. Eating Disorder

I watched a rerun of The Rachael Ray Show the other day (because I use my time wisely) and she was talking to the author of The Fast Diet. Basically you eat normally for 5 days a week, and the other 2 days, you cut your calories to 1/4 your normal intake (for women, ~500 calories).

So what I’d been thinking were stressed and disordered eating habits are actually being marketed as a weight-loss program. Outstanding.

(Though, um… I did lose 2 lbs. I couldn’t exercise that day because I thought I might pass out. But I lost 2 lbs. so…maybe fuck working out?)