My pants are judgy whores.

I mean…I guess as weight-loss motivators go, splitting the seam on a fairly new — and not inexpensive — pair of pants is probably a pretty good one, if a bit unflattering. 🙄

FINE.

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“Girl, look at that body…”

Yesterday I wore skinny pants, except I’m NOT skinny, and then I had Chinese food, and then I got puffy, aaand now I have this…fat-rash above my belly button where my tummy was trying to escape my belt.

Honestly, I don’t even know how y’all deal with how sexy I am.

Achieving Emotional Stability Through Toast

I have family time later, so I ordered coffee and green juice with my breakfast. Might also grab some form of protein shake beforehand.

#EmotionalCrosstraining
#BasicallyRocky
#PerfectlyRational
#NotTodaySatan

Greasing my emotional pole…heh…

My therapist compared letting assholes get to me with the cops greasing the light poles in Philly after the Eagles won the Super Bowl so dipshits couldn’t climb them: “How do we make it so assholes’ comments slide off you a little easier?”

I tried to convince her that’s what I’m doing with all the mozzarella sticks and stromboli — greasing my psyche — but I don’t think she bought it.