“Did your dick get stung by 90 bees?!”

Sometimes I forget how much porn (erm…”erotica”) I follow on Tumblr until I open the app at work and “OMG, that’s a vagina. Gahhh, shut it down, shut it down!”

See also: wang. Giant, scary, first scene of “Trainwreck” wang.

“Your dick doesn’t end! Why doesn’t your dick end?!”

The dichotomy of my Tumblr feed.

About a week ago, I posted about following two new blogs on Tumblr — one is all erotic images/GIFs, and the other shares news stories about violence against women.

I think I have to delete both of these. Don’t get me wrong — the ‘When Women Refuse’ blog is pivotal and I think we should all know this is a problem. But I already know it’s a problem, and seeing it daily makes me want to curl into a ball and never leave the house again. (Especially with a serial rapist roaming my neighborhood for the past couple weeks.)

As for the erotica blog, I pretty much just can’t stop masturbating, which gets problematic at work. Hm. Maybe for that one, I just won’t check Tumblr ’til I get home…

Well. Now I have to write an erotic novel.

Oh, for fuck’s sake, are you serious?

Sasha Grey Book Features Erotic Sex Scenes: Read An Excerpt From The Juliette Society

Choice quote: “I turn on my side to accommodate him, bending the top leg at the knee, like a dancer doing the Can-Can, to give him a clear view of the runway as his craft comes into land.”

The runway? His CRAFT? Like what, a Boning 747? *headdesk* I gotta start writing porn.

P.S. Calling your vagina “my sex” may be the worst euphemism ever. I’d be happier with “pussy.” “Axe wound.” “Spirit cave.” Whatever. I’m aware this is purely my own hangup, but every time I see “my sex,” my blood is forced back to my brain so I can think, “I’m sorry, your WHAT now? You mean your vagina? OK, excellent, carry on.” I can’t get ladywood from your story if you insist on calling it “my sex.”