Father’s Day is interesting when both you and your sister are mad at your father for being a passive-aggressive dumbass and — let’s be honest — for always choosing his other family over you. Especially when you don’t feel welcome in his home right now, anyway, because his wife is a psychotic cunt. (Psychoticunt?)
What’s good, Hallmark? Where’s my cute, clever card for this?
The therapist said it’s perfectly acceptable for me to just text him, so…score.
Sorry, man, but…ya know — cats, cradle, etc. For once I gotta choose me instead of keeping peace. You’re both already pissy with me — fuck it, I might as well get a relaxing Sunday out of it.
P.S. My therapist didn’t know “Cat’s in the Cradle,” and I’m honestly stunned they don’t teach that shit in therapy school. That and “Daddy Wasn’t There.” Y’all need to re-examine your curriculum. Music education is important.
What’s great about having a dysfunctional family is that, between Dad, Stepdad, and Grandpa, this whole weekend was Father’s Day. So I’ve just been going house to house trick-or-treating for daddy issues.
“Yes, I should absolutely stay at my job forever and never pursue anything different, because I have ‘stability’ and I’m ‘not getting any younger.'”
“Nope, not dating anyone. No, not a lesbian, either, but thanks for letting me know that would be OK. I really, REALLY like dick, though.”
“Mm hmm, yeah — Whole Foods IS too expensive. I don’t know why I go there, either. I COULD get the same things at Walmart.”
“Yes, I’m sure he IS going to make America great again…”