Not tonight, Pervy McGee.

First OkCupid message:


I actually don’t think a man ever has reacted my voice. I’m sure they’ve reacted to things I’ve said, but that’s because I’m a wanton harlot, not because of my voice.

Again, though, thanks for the heads up about your mini-fetish. As someone who is also aurally fixated, I respect it. But you’re creepy about it, and you used emojis, and…no.

This feels like I’m being catfished by some pervy Ursula.

Um, no, YOU have a Giles fetish.

Seen in an OkCupid profile: “I am definitely a stereotypical academic in the sense that I love wearing corduroy blazers and holing up in ivory towers.”

*blink* OMG. Take me, sir. Take me hard.

The only things we have in common are burritos, mushroom hatred, High Fidelity, and grammar, but let’s be honest, I’ve based relationships on less. I dated a guy for 8 months because we could both quote George Carlin.

Plus, another of his favorite movies is Josie and the Pussycats, so he clearly also enjoys dumb, fluffy things.

Hello, Professor. I will be your dumb, fluffy thing.

My handbasket is lubricated. 

In today’s news: Top 5 places I never thought to put the body of Christ.  

Wait, though…If the guy goes down on me after, is that, like, communion?

Happy Sunday, all. Go shop at Kink after church — they’ll fill you with the Spirit. (Spirit fingers? No, wait…)

P.S. Tee hee — “inbox.”