Psst… Hey, audiobook app… That’s not romance.
I don’t want to watch the rated version with housewife wank all over it. And I am sure as hell not buying this nonsense on Blu-Ray just to make fun of the real version. (And NO ONE thought to call that “Fifty Shades: Uncuffed?” Go fuck yourselves.)
Netflix sucks — first Adam Sandler, then that bullshit email on “no sports day,” and now I can’t even mock half-ass porn to the best of my abilities. I’ve been mock-blocked!
The other night I met Caitlin Moran and she hugged me and called me beautiful and it was amazing.
And now they’ve posted a podcast of her reading, which I will listen to over and over again until I am also rad and British.
Also, a few reasons I so thoroughly enjoy her: she wonders aloud why Jane Eyre never masturbated; says she takes the publication of “Fifty Shades of Grey quite personally as the worst thing that’s ever happened to me;” and also backs me up in believing the best method for eating cream cheese is directly off one’s fingers.
Go. Listen. Read. Enjoy!
Is your significant other into S&M, furries, and terrible wannabe-Twilight fan fiction?
I just made your Valentine’s Day shopping easier than me after two martinis. You’re welcome.