Fucked-up fun with Photoshop

I’m kinda tired — please fill in the appropriate expletive-laden tirade against the patriarchy, or the alternate -archy of your choice: Melissa McCarthy Lost 30 lbs. on the Shitty Photoshop Diet.

Though I’m sure it’s wrong that I’m kind of more offended by the “shitty Photoshop” aspect.

Like a Flirtation FCC – doling out fines and penalties for missteps…

Man, if I were ballsier, I could train a guy to be the best flirt ever.

“OK, now…what made you say that to me? Show your work. You know I’m a woman, right? And that we’re both adults? Take that into consideration and try again.”

I should lead one-on-one flirting seminars and give men some practice and feedback before they present themselves to *real* women. (You know, the kind you marry, not the kind who make juvenile dick jokes on blogs.)

Henry Higgins LIKE A BOSS. Actually, that’d be a great modern romantic comedy — like “Hitch,” but with women, and…you know, not shitty. And obviously I’d be played by Kat Dennings, because good LORD. (Yes, I do flatter myself. Shut up, it’s my movie!)

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(Photo from this site.)