Vaginal Psychic Friends Network

PSA: When you begin a conversation by texting to say “that warm sensation” I feel on my nether regions is you thinking about them, I know you’re trying to turn me on. But it sounds like you’re implying burning, as if my vagina needs assistance from that Very Special Section at CVS. And now you’ve triggered my brain, not my ladyparts.

I don’t know how other women work, but I don’t feel warmth there when I’m turned on — it’s more like a tingle, almost a tickle, and then tension, an aching for something that should be there but isn’t. It might be warm if I actually touched it, but as far as my vagina’s clairvoyance in feeling you thinking about it, that’s not warmth.

Maybe it’s just that it was the first text of the day, and came (heh) while I was working on something, so maybe my mind wasn’t on my (apparently molten?) genitalia.

Plus it was around 30 degrees this morning, so every part of me is swathed in fleece — ain’t no warmth here. My vagina is probably like the world’s greatest Popsicle right now.

Also…um… It’s not a turn-on to see you overestimate your effect on me. It’s adorable, don’t get me wrong. But not a turn-on. We’re not there yet, Fonzie. Step away from the shark.