(Via The Awkward Yeti.)
An acquaintance posted on Facebook that a bad stretch of depression had caused her to gain back weight she’d lost, and some cheery fitness fucker commented “Awe, you can do it again with exercising and eatting healthier again! It’s mind over matter. Everything in moderation. Tell yourself you can do it! 💪😁👍”
OK, obviously I don’t know your life, but also? Blow me a little.
Who doesn’t know about diet and exercise IN THEORY? Everyone KNOWS about it, bitch — you ain’t droppin’ science. Don’t talk to her like she’s an idiot like she doesn’t already feel bad enough. Ass.
And it’s not “mind over matter” if your mind is what’s telling you cake will fix things, and guess what, cake DOES fix things.
Finally, UGH, the “Awe” instead of “Aw” — I think we can all agree those people can’t be trusted.
As always, Shonda Rhimes said it best…
Eeewwww… Look, I can either focus on dinner OR vaguely threatening hairless douche-bros, but not both.
Feed me OR fuck me. My ADD can’t handle the multitask.
P.S. Fuck me first, so I don’t have to worry about birth control for food babies in addition to regular ones.
I’ve always assumed Doritos were *already* for women — duh, they’re V-shaped.
Paxil, Adderall, pajamas, an irresponsible quantity of coffee, and a breakfast brownie.
Am I doing it right?
It probably speaks volumes about my romantic future that today I received email coupons from both OkCupid and Grubhub, and deleted the OKC one without reading it, but hopped on that Grubhub shit like white on rice. (Especially since I used it to order Indian food, so literal white rice is forthcoming. As is my true soulmate, paneer.)