It takes a lot out of me to pay too much attention to people being terrible and angry, but based on the high-level information I’ve seen, this kid is garbage human. I hope he gets his first STD very soon, and that it’s one of the suuuper itchy ones.
My dad thought it’d be hilarious to point out a typo in my Facebook post, and HA HA HA, I hope it’s still funny when I forward you the therapy bill.
My office is collecting toys for a local charity.
This is the list of suggestions from the charity’s flier.
I hate everything.
Girls can like Marvel, ASSHOLES, and I hear tell they even let us gals have the MP3 players now — not iPods, that would just be TOO much. But we can have a Zune. 😒
Oh, OK, cool, ‘cause my fat ass needed to save some money not shopping your bullshit, anyway, you word-misusing jagoff fuckface. (Even putting aside this topic, dude sounds like a complete tool.)
A friend shared this screenshot of an online dating profile she encountered, and aside from the fact that this man is obviously insensitive garbage, um…no psychiatric illness RHYMES with depression, you fucking nimrod. People don’t have “cepression.”
I mean, I guess depression rhymes with itself? But that’d be a pretty shitty poem. You should take a creative writing class or something, I bet you could learn some ways to work around that mental block. Or even just Google “words ending in ession” — Oppression. Concession. Transgression. Impression.
I’m not sure how I continue to be surprised at the appalling things my family will like and share on Facebook.
My father just shared a fucking Monica Lewinsky joke about all this Nike ad nonsense, and here’s what really chaps my ass — the joke wasn’t even FUNNY. (“Believe in something, even if it means swallowing everything. Just do it.” HA HA HA HA, OH WAIT, NO, that is actually a shitty joke.)
Dad, you and I are about to have a conversation about all the miscellaneous dicks I had in MY mouth at age 22, and how maybe I’d love to not be judged for it decades later and pulled into TOTALLY UNRELATED ISSUES, because the dudes were complete morons. I didn’t even have the self-esteem to AIM for the president — I was jocking my manager at a Blockbuster Video in Jersey, getting finger-banged in the candy closet. (To this day, if I see a box of Sno-Caps, I get MOIST.)
Also, just…fucking EW! I’m your daughter, and you have nieces and grandchildren! I know you’re a dude and all, but CHRIST!
It’s possible I need to lay off Facebook for a while. Or just mute my own goddamn father. Again.
Oh, cool, I knew something didn’t feel right — I’ve been a complete ass about taking my birth control and now my body’s like, “We menstruate, yeah? Wheeee, we menstruate!”
No, really. Being a woman is magical. 🙄
Let us all salute this brave man for coming forward to correct my assessment of MY OWN SENSE OF HUMOR in my online dating profile. Phew! Thank GOD you were here, sir.
I’m not sure, but I think a man just mansplained another mansplainer to me, and now my head hurts.
This was Facebook’s suggested post for me today, so if you’ll excuse me, I’m-a go find me a window to jump out of. Not because I’m dying alone, I’m fine with that, but because this bullshit exists.