I had such a strange and confusing weekend that I don’t even know where to start. I haven’t even sorted through it all yet. I try, and then I have to lie down.
I guess first, I spoke to my sister, and then to my mother, at length — rookie mistake. On both occasions I sensed that, like me, they just store up their tensions with people until they blow up.
Except they don’t blow up AT the people. They wait for me, talk AT me for a fucking hour, and fix nothing. I get that they felt better after they got it OUT, but a) that’s what journals (or public anonymous blogs) are for, and b) the problem is still THERE. All because you “don’t want to start an argument?” So you just get angrier and angrier at a person who doesn’t know they’re even doing anything that hurts you because you’re keeping it all in your head? You don’t have to YELL at the people! Think rationally about what’s really bothering you, and why, and say it. How is you drinking about it more than a couple times a week helping anyone? (Also, welcome to my genetic legacy — this whole thing, drinking included, must be what my grandmother means by “gettin’ your Irish up.”)
Fuck THAT, I’ma tell everyone EVERYTHING. I’m not walking around like that.
I’m not encouraging them to pick fights about petty nonsense like their mate leaving the toilet seat up — this is deep-seated shit. It’s the kind of thing where I give my sister’s latest relationship 2 years at most because she’s being an ass.
Pick your battles, certainly. Some things aren’t worth arguing about. And I know it’s not always as easy as I’m making it sound, but…sometimes it is. Christ, don’t just let shit eat away at your soul. These are people you love, who love you. Let it go or let it out — if the person is worth having in your life, they’ll still be there when the smoke clears.