Bend it like “Oh, fuck you.”

Sure, children’s cereal box — it WAS pretty great how the MEN’S soccer team won the World Cup.

OH WAIT.

🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼

Ugh, I KNOW better than this!

A friend of a friend said Elizabeth Warren won’t be the candidate because she’s “crazy” and has “bad eyebrows” and he keeps calling the woman candidates “females” like a shitty Sir-Mix-a-Lot and I’m sorry but I have made a terrible mistake and argued about politics with a stranger on the internet, but also I want this man to get, like, six paper cuts later.

(Also, I don’t even CARE what Bernie OR Molester Uncle Biden look like, but if people can’t be president based merely on appearances and sanity, we wouldn’t have the current president and his caterpillar-ass eyebrows, and you damn sure can’t think Bernie looks calm, cool, and collected. Come the fuck on.)

I’ll only be able to write about tampons and Lifetime movies.

Well, thank heaven for this distinction. I’d hate to sully your manly journals with my silly lady thoughts.

You might want to think about emblazoning a dick and balls right on the front cover, just to be 100% safe.

I’m surprised they even allow the idea that men could write in a journal. But y’all definitely write only about MANLY things — sports, cars, power tools, World War II, The Shawshank Redemption, and barbecue.

Also, isn’t “bling” pretty much (read: VERY) over?

Well, I mean…you could just…NOT.

As far as I know that’s still an option we gals have, no?

(Seen in an interview with style bloggers.)

Looking a gift horse in the…FUCKFACE!

My office is collecting toys for a local charity.

This is the list of suggestions from the charity’s flier.

I hate everything.

Girls can like Marvel, ASSHOLES, and I hear tell they even let us gals have the MP3 players now — not iPods, that would just be TOO much. But we can have a Zune. 😒

Like a turducken of condescension

I’m not sure, but I think a man just mansplained another mansplainer to me, and now my head hurts.

“Naw, man. Naw. Shit, naw, man…”

So, hey, here’s a hella gross billboard I saw on my way home.

Goddammit, Target…

Goddammit, Target…

Take my money, Reebok.

Via Twitter:

Is there complete and utter bullshit in your ears? Try this!

I’m sorry… What in the name of the actual everloving FUCK is this?