My OkCupid profile says I’m “essentially looking for friends with benefits, but actual FRIENDS, with potential for something more if it eventually evolves.”
Today I get this first message: “Hey Smug..I tried fwb,..it doesn’t work. There’s always problems with feelings..someone always loses control.”
That’s the whole message.
Um…OK. See, what you wanted to say there, quietly and only to yourself, was: “This woman wants different things than I do. I will proceed calmly to the next profile.”
Not, “This woman is wrong. I must tell her why she is wrong, and that will be ALL I write, because SHE HAS TO KNOW SHE’S WRONG!”
What’s your endgame here, sir? What am I supposed to say?
“OMG, you’re right, Internet Stranger Who Clearly Has No Issues At All! I never thought of that! Tell me, Marlon Rando, what do YOU think I should want instead? Eagerly awaiting your wisdom, Smug.”
I need men for many things.* Explaining my needs to me is not one of them.
*Their hands. Mouths. Voices. Arms. Teeth. Body weight on me. Hips and the ability to thrust them…
Wait, sorry, what was I saying?