Pop psych and ice cream metaphors.

What the hell is this nonsense where men are listing their lettered personality types (ENTJ, etc.) in online dating profiles? I’ve seen at least 50 profiles with it.

The only abbreviation I want to see in a guy’s online résumé is “GGG.”* Don’t make me Google your special snowflake shit — use your words. A lot of them say things like, “I’m ENTJ, if that matters.” It doesn’t. To anyone. Knock it off. I will get to know your personality through conversation; that’s kind of the point.

* “GGG” = “good, giving, game,” meaning you do any naughty little thing I ask, and I’ll do the same. But my kinks are fairly tame. It’s not like I’ll ask you to bring leather and chains. I’m vanilla, but I’m like the vanilla with little flecks of bean in it. So…understated, but also reliably delicious and very adaptable.

PhD in GGG

Conversation with a friend who, if SHE started a sex blog, y’all would abandon my ass immediately, because she’s just way better at it…

Friend: I think I want to become a sex educator.
Me: You absolutely should. You’d be great at it.
Friend: Thank you. I’m going to see if I can volunteer at Planned Parenthood and go to some conferences. I can actually get a PhD in sexuality from Widener University.
Me: I feel like you should have that already, honorary style, just based on your extensive research.
Friend: Heh. I guess I could write a letter, “Hey, prestigious university people, I’ve fucked probably 100 guys, and given countless blowjobs, played with a few women, I’m GGG, I love sex and read about it all the time. I got this. Just hand over the paper.”

(Afterthought: Heh. “Widen-her” University. Obviously.)