Seen in an OkCupid profile: “I am definitely a stereotypical academic in the sense that I love wearing corduroy blazers and holing up in ivory towers.”
*blink* OMG. Take me, sir. Take me hard.
The only things we have in common are burritos, mushroom hatred, High Fidelity, and grammar, but let’s be honest, I’ve based relationships on less. I dated a guy for 8 months because we could both quote George Carlin.
Plus, another of his favorite movies is Josie and the Pussycats, so he clearly also enjoys dumb, fluffy things.
Hello, Professor. I will be your dumb, fluffy thing.
In the interest of fairness, here are some reasons I haven’t clicked “pass” on OKCupid profiles:
— I smiled at one of his photos. (Not in a mocking way. Either his smile made me smile back, or he was doing something funny.)
— One guy said he had “a super-rad dog who likes to chase squirrels and give high-fives.” I want to high-five your dog! Immediately! (Which kinda sounds like a terrible metaphor for sex but it’s not.)
— He enjoys wordplay.
— He seems smarter than I am. I especially loiter on profiles of older college professor types. UNF. Wear tweed, sir. Be my Giles. (Not a professor, I know, but he had that vibe.) Bonus points for elbow patches.
— Similar cultural or food interests.
— Looks a little like Lewis Black, in a hot way.
— Stupidly nice arms. (AND he seemed nice otherwise. I’ve passed on hot guys who seemed…without. But OMG, dude, once we talk a bit and then meet, can I touch your arms? Can I nibble them? Sure, whatever, dinner and a movie — fine. As long as the evening features your arms around me.)