Now 50% more self-absorbent!

I downloaded an app to track my menstrual cycle and it’s asking me to add a profile photo.  

Uhhh, thanks, I’m good. This isn’t a thing I need to be social-networky about.

Also, um… Would that be a photo of my face or of my vagina? If we’re taking photos of my vagina, I’m gonna need to go to Glamour Shots or something. This can’t be of those “Shot on an iPhone 6” deals you see on billboards. I can’t selfie that, I need a pro. Studio space, flattering lighting…

What Instagram filter would work best for that? Probably one of the black and white ones, so it’ll look artsy, or, ooh, Earlybird would be good — my vagina would look all mellow and groovy.

I realize they’re not really requesting photos of my lady garden. But once I started thinking about vaginal Glamour Shots, my brain ran with it.

Though, if I could get an ultrasound printout of the whole uterus, etc., kit and caboodle, I guess that would be most accurate.

Also, I Googled “Sapphic selfie,” and apparently it’s a thing. Mostly on Tumblr (obvs).