Wow, I’m even the wrong kind of asshole. 

I emailed him back, because I am an idiot. He’d clarified some things, so I wanted to do the same.

Aaand it turned out exactly as I thought it would.

One day I will learn to listen to my friends and just be an asshole when the situation calls for it, which is what I think he wanted — for me to keep quiet and stay away.

But at least I got it out. “The cold never bothered me, anyway.”

P.S. Fun fact: Gmail’s “block” feature is apparently about as useless as Facebook’s. Technology can kiss my dick.

P.P.S. Sorry, I’ll take the weekend off and stop buzzkilling your news feeds.


Today I was looking for something in my Gmail, and in the search results, I happened upon one of the emails I wrote but never sent to my crush. It was a list of things I liked about him, both mental and very, VERY physical.

When your brain is not in the porny place (ie, when you’re at WORK merely trying to ascertain the status of your running magazine subscription at lunchtime), finding that stuff is extremely disconcerting. Now I’m beet red. And also incredibly turned on.

Thanks, Gmail!