Worst. Jubilee. Ever. 

So, we all know I’m going to hell, but I read today that the Pope says it’s OK for priests to absolve women of the sin of abortion, but only during Jubilee.

I don’t know what Jubilee is, and I kind of don’t even want to learn, because…Abortion Jubilee? Are you serious? That’s amazing. That could be my band.

I looked up Jubilee and it actually sounds quite lovely. So go forth and abort, ladies. Don’t forget to get your cards punched — remember, pay for 5, get the 6th free, AND you get the t-shirt.*

* I was gonna say “you get the fetus phone, but a) That’s pretty fucked up, and b) The “Sports Illustrated” football phone analogy is a tad dated. (Ahem. Get off my lawn!)

Sinister Dildos World Tour

OMG, the caption on Huff Post UK’s Facebook post was “More sinister dildo news…”

“What’s up, Oregon! We’re Sinister Dildos and we’re here to rock!” BWAH HA HA. #GoodBandName

In my head, a sinister dildo would have Jafar’s face from Aladdin. I don’t know why, that’s just my vision. Shut up. 

Full story here

 

Dildo Avalanche: Rockin’ Out With Your Fake Cock Out

I don’t know what you talk to YOUR friends about on a Wednesday morning…

Me: “Are you going to that sex toy party on Saturday? I think I’m set for faux dick right now. I don’t want to be a dildo hoarder. Worst episode ever.”

Friend: “Could you imagine if that was a real thing? ::opens closet:: ::dildo avalanche::”

Me: “Dildo Avalanche. GREAT band name.”