“Everything hurts and I’m dying.”

Last time my body was being weird with my menstrual cycle, my doctor told me to stop taking my birth control pill, let my body menstruate for a few days, and then go back to taking it as prescribed so it stops. That was maybe a year ago, and it worked. Cool.

 

Now my body is being weird again, so I did the same thing, and…Jesus Christ, now I remember why they prescribed the pill to make it stop. I really did not miss having a period.

 

Between this and the ballsack-y humidity in Philly, I MAY actually be dying. Every part of me feels puffy, and like it weighs 100 pounds. Everyone and everything is SO much more annoying. Getting out of bed this week has been like a goddamn Ironman. And there is just NOT. ENOUGH. SALT.

 

If I can’t make as much money as a man, can I least get a few days off for THIS horseshit?

 

Fuck you, Nature, seriously.

Coffee first, then soul crushing

“Everything he lacks, well, he makes up in denial”

Damn, man… They aren’t even pretty fly for some white guys.
What’s Missing From This Photo of Politicians Deciding the Future of Women’s Health?

We already knew my vagina had commitment issues.

Capping off an already splendid day, I have a cyst that won’t go away, so I’m on my way to the doctor just to be 100% sure I’m not dying. I’m ALMOST positive, but symptoms of lady cancer are, like, fatigue, upset stomach, and menstrual changes — so, you know, not at ALL vague things most women have.

I hate needing medical attention anywhere in my vagina’s orbit. My gyno and I have a once-yearly relationship and I’m pretty OK with that. I’m not really looking for anything next-level.

Plus the only available doctor is male, which makes me realize how long it’s been since I’ve had a man in the region. I’m all self-conscious about it and spiffed it up a bit, as if otherwise mine could possibly be the most offensive vagina he’ll see today.

I’ll just leave this here.

Automatic Sperm Extractor Introduced in a Chinese Hospital

Healthcare: The Singleton Payer Option

Conversation with a girlfriend…

Friend: “Did you see a doctor?”

Me: “Yeah, because you see those commercials now where some earnest, well-intentioned woman is all, ‘Hey, is your shit different? You might be dying! Of the lady cancers!'”

Friend: “Well, If your SHIT is different, that’s really never optimal.”

Me: “Yeah, I’m not checking THAT. Whatever that is, if it happens, I’ll just die from it. But my ladybits are good, the doctor told me.”