This sounds like a job for Captain Subtext!

Seen in a man’s OkCupid profile:

First, “I love a girl that likes to dress up and wear heels. And is open minded.”

Later, “Must wear heels.”

So let me see if I’m reading between these lines accurately: You’re looking for a woman who’ll leave her heels on while y’all have rough sex? Maybe she’ll also leave on her nice dress, which she deliberately wore without panties so you’d spend the whole date imagining how easily you could just bend her over the nearest surface and go to town on her?

*shrug* Aight. I’m down.

In which I look sexy…until I fall down.

Bam. Look out, y’all. #HellOnHeels

(And, by “Look out,” obviously I mean, “Look out for me when I inevitably trip and fall.”)  

Wisdom of Womanhood

Quotable me: “Man, fuck being a woman. No, wait. My hair looks great today and I have on kick-ass heels. As you were, womanhood.”