Gingers, Facebook, orgasm denial, and poor life choices

Dear Facebook,

No, “That Guy” and “Unfunny Ginger Comedian” are NOT among the “people I may know” on your site. They ARE among the “people I’ve slept with.” Maybe start a separate suggestion list? But hey, thanks for making me consider all THAT again in the span of 5 minutes.

At least That Guy and I COULD have been friends if things hadn’t gone all stupid. But “learning experience” be damned, the comedian was just an almost impressively bad life choice. The only memorable things about that “relationship” were learning:

A. That it’s possible for a man to appear bored while I’m naked and riding him. (I HOPE I can chalk that up to his seemingly rampant control issues, but maybe I’m just bad at being on top.)

B. About orgasm denial via his goddamn Jedi mastery of the Hitachi Magic Wand.*

No, really. Thanks a pantload, Facebook.

No love,
Smug

* I have no idea what kind of dark sorcery y’all summon to determine when we’re on the verge of orgasm, but damn. I salute you. You’re doing God’s work. 

All the Magic. All the stars.

I didn’t buy it, but last night at the adult boutique, I tried the Hitachi Magic Wand — on my achy shoulders, not on my lady bits. I’ve had someone else use it during sex and loved it, but I can’t be trusted to operate that thing. I’m clumsy, I’d end up in the hospital. But it’s delightful in both places.

Also, last night I learned that orgasm denial is a thing, and I wish I weren’t into it, but I totally am. I wish the guy who introduced me to it in 2013 had warned me, because I almost kicked him in the face, but it was lovely at the end, and was achieved via the Magic Wand. All the stars for that thing.