Honest breakup reasons…
“Because you’re 42, and I don’t understand how you’re still so juvenile (not in a good way) when 42 is supposed to be the answer to life, the universe, and everything. I can’t abide that level of cognitive dissonance. I’m confused enough on my own.”
Honest breakup reasons…
“I thought I was ready, but I’m not. Well, OK, I probably COULD be ready, if you didn’t bore me and our sex wasn’t awkward.”
Honest breakup reasons…
“Because you’re only 42 but still seriously asked me what a podcast is.”
Honest breakup reasons: “Because of that time you spelled it ‘homofobic.'”
Honest breakup reasons: “Because seeing you write ‘must of’ is like anti-lube.”
Honest breakup reasons…
“Because you’re a grown-ass man who drinks Crystal Light. You don’t have iced tea, goddammit, you have bullshit. There’s a reason the expression is ‘Gimme some sugar,’ not ‘Gimme some aspartame.'”
(And no, he didn’t have diabetes or anything, I checked.)
Honest breakup reasons:
“Because I can’t get past the fact that you hated Firefly.” / “Because I cannot accept that Jeff Dunham is your favorite comedian.”
Honest breakup reasons…
“Because I have issues with symmetry and our bodies don’t fit together to my liking during sex.”
Honest breakup reasons…
“Because I haven’t been able to look at you the same way since that time you said ‘cray-cray.'”
Honest breakup reasons…
“Because the only thing we have in common is binge eating.”
Smug Singleton 