You’d probably forget your towel.

Honest breakup reasons…

“Because you’re 42, and I don’t understand how you’re still so juvenile (not in a good way) when 42 is supposed to be the answer to life, the universe, and everything. I can’t abide that level of cognitive dissonance. I’m confused enough on my own.”

Beverage-based breakup reasons.

Honest breakup reasons…

“Because you’re a grown-ass man who drinks Crystal Light. You don’t have iced tea, goddammit, you have bullshit. There’s a reason the expression is ‘Gimme some sugar,’ not ‘Gimme some aspartame.'”

(And no, he didn’t have diabetes or anything, I checked.)