I would put a ring on her.

This is a shitty quality video, but Aisha Tyler dressed up as Beyoncé and lip synched “Single Ladies” and it’s the only video I could find of the whole thing and I HATE that song, but regardless, I am slightly more in love with her now.

There are women who WANT a ring on it who don’t love this as much as I do.

Carry on.

Flashing for fries

It is ass hot and 6000% humid, so obviously work clothes need to come off as soon as I walk in the house. But I had just taken off my bra when I realized that if I want dinner, I have to have it delivered. I prefer to have a bra on if I’m human-facing, but I’m not putting that damn thing back on, leading to this actual thing I just said to myself out loud: “Fuck it. Deal with my breasts, delivery guy.”

Think I could get the fries for free? I like to pretend I’m better than that, but…I’m exhausted and hungry, so I’m really not.

So. Sticky. (Not what you’re thinking. But I like where your head is at.)

I may have overestimated the air conditioning capacities in my office when I decided to wear jeans to work.

Thankfully I look really good vaguely sweaty. 

“Girl, I’m gonna make you sweat…”

“It’s amazing how short the interval is between, ‘Boy, I can’t wait for summer!’ and, ‘Fuck THIS shit.'”
— Christian Finnegan

It’s been far too long since I’ve had a man sweat on me. Fortunately I just walked outside in New Jersey, so it was basically the same idea.

Dressed for success. Or alternately, fuck pants.

Since I bitched so much about fashion yesterday, allow me to extol its virtues today. 

So far today I’ve been complimented twice on my outfit. It’s a really simple stretchy cotton sundress, and the fabric is darted in a way that accentuates my best bits. I wore it because it’s Monday and fuck Monday and it’s 100-and-ball-sweat degrees with 600% humidity, and I need to wear as little clothing as possible. It looks lovely, but it’s just so simple to throw on and there’s no matching and no pants and no buttons or zippers, and it feels like I’m wearing a men’s t-shirt. 

Being a woman RULES. OK, yes, I’ll have epic Chub Rub on the insides of my thighs from now until October, but eh. I’m at work wearing what amounts to a very fancy pillowcase, so I’ll deal.