Put this in your mouth

Y’all. If it’s possible where you live, put this ice cream in your face.

I paid $6.49 for a fucking PINT of it, but it’s among the top 10 best things I’ve had in my mouth since 2012.

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Making time for what matters

Texting a friend:

Me: “I just turned down paid overtime work for this weekend in favor of sex and ice cream. #priorities”

Friend: “Those are the clearest priorities I’ve ever imagined.”

Netflix and chill…ed dessert treats

One of my (many) issues with dating: I’d need to be at least as enthused to spend my Saturday night on a date as I am about spending it by myself, at home with a glass of wine and a documentary about a font.

I mean, unless said date involved ice cream. I’d probably be enthused about ice cream.

P.S. Send ice cream.

The new All-Wheel Drive Honda Singleton.

I’ve had a shitty week — just too much stupid all coinciding: relationships, finances, PMS, change in prescription drugs (I don’t think they’re supposed to make you feel worse), and ball-sacky weather. It’s mangling my body, my sleep, and my attitude.

I wish our bodies had more obvious gauges for things. A red light should come on to let you know you need to eat a vegetable because your body requires, like, riboflavin or whatever. Or, *ding ding* “Oh, OK, I have to exercise more and maybe I’ll stop feeling as if I’m constantly dragging my body through sand,” or, *BEEP* “Says here this drug is fucking me up. The gauge just told me to call the doctor and get THIS drug, and it’ll fix you right up.”

Or even a green light: “You’re OK, it’s just the heat. Crank the AC and drink more water.”

We need a more specific human schematic.

We should be able to upgrade our bodies like car models. I’d like the Sport features, please. 

Can my body get nav?