Does throwing shade count as cardio?

Current mood: “Oh, this cheery bitch can kiss the fattest part of my ass.”

So yeah, my exercise program is going well.

I would do anything for sanity…but I won’t do THAT…

My friend is taking November off from all her social media, and I’m over here like, “Um, I MIGHT last a weekend…” #junkie

“You got a WHAT? How long ya had that problem?”

Update on Dude I’d Been Dating: He texted me Sunday to give me back his phone number, and has texted here and there since with everyday minutia, stuff so mundane I feel like he’s just worried I’ll be mad if he doesn’t say SOMETHING.

He re-added me on Facebook (he’s on my “family” filter now, though, so all he sees are sunset photos and dog videos), but not on Instagram, and we were never connected on Twitter.

So I guess we’re friends, with nudity TBD, but I think I’m OK with friends, at least for now. I’m glad we’re talking because that means he didn’t just fuck me and bail. But now I know he can and will just shut down on me, and maybe he’s only talking to me because sex is possible, so I need to get those thoughts in order.

We don’t have plans to see each other, and I’m damn sure not bringing it up, so it won’t be a real issue until he does. (He’s away on a family trip right now.)

In the meantime, I have TWO OkCupid Potentials to write back, so “I’m not waitin’, because I’m no waiter, so when I blow up, don’t try to kick it to me later.”

(^ I…I am so sorry, you guys…)

Instagram eats more dick than I do.

I’ve had some thoughts loitering in the back of my brain about my current relationship-like experience, and its similarities to a past experience that was much worse, brain-wise.

So obviously, as further evidence of my iPhone’s forthcoming sentience, I went on Instagram and it was like, “Hey! You might know Past Experience!”

Fuck you, Instagram.

That’s OK, though — again, the beauty of getting over the much worse past experience is knowing that THIS experience, comparatively, ain’t shit.

Stay-Classy Singleton

I keep it classy on alllll the Internets:

I’d feel guilty but there’s no blood in my brain.

Hey, would you guys mind if I objectified a man for like one second?

Didn’t think so.

DAY-UM.

Insta-gratification

Sometimes I wonder why I even bother with Instagram.

And then other times…

(@smug_singleton, if you wondered. [You didn’t.])

…*slow clap*…

Via David London’s Instagram…

View this post on Instagram

#illustration #cartoon #politicalcartoon #art #drawing #sketch #pen #penandink #womenshealth #feminism #female #sexism #body #fat #cartoonist #magazine #photoshop #culture #america #woman #health #artist #boston

A post shared by David London (@londonlikethecity) on Apr 15, 2016 at 9:05am PDT

Sinful sneakers

Via Huffington Post: Adidas Shuts Down Homophobic Commenters In The Best Way Possible.

…Right, then.

So we’re all gonna go buy at least one pair of Adidas shoes?

Good. Glad we had this talk.

The HELL? My brain saw “super-cute shoes” on “feet.” Not on “gay feet.” How does that even cross your mind?

Also? They’re SHOES. On INSTAGRAM. How do you have time to give even ONE baker’s fuck about this? Or does “being an asshole on the Internet” now count as “doing God’s work?”

Straight pimpin’

I’ve posted this before, but it’s been a while, and new people are here (!!!). So here’s a list of all the platforms this blog lives on, in case you want to follow something different.

• Facebook
• WordPress (Duh, but there’s a “follow” button on the bottom right of the page, and I THINK that means you get each post emailed to you. You lucky duck!)
• Twitter (It auto-tweets links to WordPress.)
• Blogspot
• Instagram
• Tumblr (Auto-posts from WordPress.)
• Aaand in case you’re old-school, LIVEJOURNAL: (That’s right. Because I CARE. Though it seems LJ skipped a whole month of posts, but hopefully I just fixed that.)