A conversation starter…for a conversation I don’t want to have.

I feel like my well-rested face and disposable income convey this well enough, and yet I DO love me a shiny trinket…

(I should clarify that none of the parents I know personally look tired.)

In which Amazon offers unnecessary support to my vacant uterus. 

Normally the Internet is one of my favorite things, but sometimes it can be kind of an asshole.

Like when I ask Amazon to send me a book about being child-free because it’s written by a comedian I’m currently obsessed with (Jen Kirkman — ladies, go watch her Netflix special. Gentlemen, sorry, no guarantees). So I’m mostly reading it because it’s a book by a funny woman — I’d read whatever book she wrote, but this one happens to be about not having kids.

But then Amazon’s all, “Oh, hey! I see you like books about being a Barreness. HERE ARE 600 MORE books about it!”

I’m good, Amazon, really. I don’t need THAT much support. Thanks, though.

(My personal favorite was when I bought the clutter book, and Amazon was like, “Would you like us to send you a shit-ton of other books about clutter?” YOU’RE NOT HELPING, AMAZON!)

This is basically what it would look like if I did standup comedy

A lot of people tell me I should do standup comedy, which is adorable, but I think I’m best relegated to written snark.

Besides, I’m watching this right now, and it looks like my niche is already well represented in the standup community.