In which nothing you do matters if you’re not married. 

Dude, what the shit is wrong with you?! That girl is, like, 12 years old* and a floppity bajillionaire
megastar. Who gives one iota of one kitten’s dick if she’s not married? Jesus. You leave Katniss alone, Diane Sawyer!  
“…This whole year of, ‘Who am I without these movies? Who am I without this man?'” Girl, preach. Let’s get together and have coffee and braid each other’s hair. We’ll talk.

Speaking of hair, I should probably call my hairdresser right now and warn her that once I see Joy, I’m also going to hack my hair off with some raggedy scissors and then have her fix it. It seems fun and cathartic. Or I’m just a crazy celebrity copycat.

* OK, fine, she’s 25 — same difference. Clearly a spinster. Christ, I need more cats — I’m totally behind here.

Cinematherapy

I’m not sure what it says about me that watching Silver Linings Playbook usually makes me feel better. But as cinematic spirit animals go, I could do worse than Tiffany Maxwell. (With a Jamie Rellis chaser.)

Damn, girl…

There’s a Justin Timberlake song called “Damn, Girl” in which the first lyrics are just him repeating, “Damn, girl; damn, girl; damn, girl; damn, girl; damn…”

I’m not coveting her in a naked way, but… damn, girl.

She’s my body-image hero. I want us to have amazing boobs and that sweet waist curve and go shoot arrows together.

jlaw

*slow clap*

“I’m over trying to find the ‘adorable’ way to state my opinion and still be likable! Fuck that. I don’t think I’ve ever worked for a man in charge who spent time contemplating what angle he should use to have his voice heard. It’s just heard.”  

Fun with hypocrisy.

I’m not gonna lie, I would LOVE to see Jennifer Lawrence naked. I have such a huge lady boner for her. But… I don’t want to see her naked unless she wants me to (which I hope she does some day).

Via Playboy: Jennifer Lawrence Is Not a Thing to Be Passed AroundIMG_1358.JPGThis is an irritating realization, because I definitely searched (unsuccessfully) for photos of Anthony Weiner’s penis, and have absolutely looked more than once at that Tumblr page dedicated to Jon Hamm’s penis bulge (which I refer to affectionately as “Hamm-shank”). And frankly, if HIS phone had been hacked, I’d have an incredibly hard — engorged…swollen…turgid…tumescent… AHEM — time not looking at those photos. (UNF.)

Goddammit. Now I have to reexamine my principles. I only have, like, six of them. I’m going to be so pissed if I have to develop another.