I just learned the true meaning of “Sploosh.”

I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you over the sound of my repeated spontaneous orgasm.

Via IndieWire: Archer Live Action Movie: Why Producers Want Jon Hamm For the Title Role

Faith in love = ruined. Desire for Hamm = all-time high.

Not that I had much faith to begin with, but it’s ruined now.

Though, does that mean the Hamm-shank (Jon Hamm’s majestic penis) is available to fuck random chubby chicks with issues?  

Fun with hypocrisy.

I’m not gonna lie, I would LOVE to see Jennifer Lawrence naked. I have such a huge lady boner for her. But… I don’t want to see her naked unless she wants me to (which I hope she does some day).

Via Playboy: Jennifer Lawrence Is Not a Thing to Be Passed AroundThis is an irritating realization, because I definitely searched (unsuccessfully) for photos of Anthony Weiner’s penis, and have absolutely looked more than once at that Tumblr page dedicated to Jon Hamm’s penis bulge (which I refer to affectionately as “Hamm-shank”). And frankly, if HIS phone had been hacked, I’d have an incredibly hard — engorged…swollen…turgid…tumescent… AHEM — time not looking at those photos. (UNF.)

Goddammit. Now I have to reexamine my principles. I only have, like, six of them. I’m going to be so pissed if I have to develop another.