In which nothing you do matters if you’re not married. 

Dude, what the shit is wrong with you?! That girl is, like, 12 years old* and a floppity bajillionaire
megastar. Who gives one iota of one kitten’s dick if she’s not married? Jesus. You leave Katniss alone, Diane Sawyer!  
“…This whole year of, ‘Who am I without these movies? Who am I without this man?'” Girl, preach. Let’s get together and have coffee and braid each other’s hair. We’ll talk.

Speaking of hair, I should probably call my hairdresser right now and warn her that once I see Joy, I’m also going to hack my hair off with some raggedy scissors and then have her fix it. It seems fun and cathartic. Or I’m just a crazy celebrity copycat.

* OK, fine, she’s 25 — same difference. Clearly a spinster. Christ, I need more cats — I’m totally behind here.

Mammary philanthropy

Texting with a friend who tells me I’m too modest:

Me: “I thought you’d be amused to know my cleavage is making me uncomfortable today (disloyal shirt is shifting), and there’s nothing I can do about it.”
Friend: “Think of it as spreading joy to others.”