“Will you remember meeee…?”

Forgotten Bottom: Philadelphia neighborhood, or title of my forthcoming autobiography?

P.S. “Search here”…in Forgotten Bottom… <Beavis laugh>

No, really… I am a grown woman.

[Beavis snicker]

Don’t mind if I do!

I ordered vitamins and they sent a shipping confirmation that said “Track your box” and I am 12.

Immaturity on the go

On my way into my temp job, I drove past a truck emblazoned with a Kegel’s Produce logo.

Kegel’s. Produce.

Tragically their slogan is not, “Kegel’s Produce: Keepin’ it TIGHT!”

I can’t believe I’m a grownup…

Heh…heh… [/beavis]

Freudian slipstick

Email to a friend…

Me: “I am juvenile. But damn, there are a lot of jokes here. “

Friend: “I mean, how are you supposed to NOT make jokes at that? They may as well have named the shades ‘John Holmes’ and ‘Ron Jeremy.’ ‘Yeah, rub it on your face, baby.'”

Me: “HA! Aaand THAT is why we’re friends.”

Followup thought: “Gargantuan Golden SHOWERS.” Hey-o!

 

I am juvenile. And this is hilarious.

Via NYMAG.com: Indiana Women Are Calling the Governor About Their Periods.

 

“Let’s do that. Let’s do EXACTLY that.”

So here’s a thing a purportedly adult man decided it’d be perfectly acceptable to say to a woman in a first OkCupid message on a Saturday morning:

“Hiya. Would you be interested in getting great oral? Or at least a great make our session?”

A few things:

1. I can’t decide if he remembers he sent me the FIRST intro message 2 weeks ago and said only, “Hiya. LOL @ a relatively decent command of the English language. That’s not asking much!” (Response to bit of my profile.)

Is this supposed to be a followup after that went unanswered, like maybe he’s just switching up his game? Or does my profile somehow convey that half the reason I’m dating is because I can’t go down on myself, and he’s like, “My direct approach will swiftly lead to this woman sitting on my face?”

2. You went with “hiya,” huh? Twice? Right. *nod*

3. Assuming you could spell “make out”…we’re 40. Really? I’m gonna get Date Pretty for a “make out session?” Would this be before or after your mom drives us to take the SATs? “Naw, man. Naw. Shit, naw, man. I believe you’d get your ass kicked sayin’ somethin’ like that.”

4. Can you even go down on a woman when you’re obviously made entirely of balls?

I am juvenile.

$11 for fingering?

Cheap at twice the price!  

Would a “basic STD” also thrive on PSLs?

My health insurance enrollment form has a space where I can sign up for “basic STD.”

It stands for “short-term disability,” but still, a weird box to check. (Tee hee.)