Clinger karma

I feel bad getting over a guy I haven’t met just by reading his texts, but… You gave such good OkCupid messages — how do you text like an asshole?


Crap… I’m Mr. Heckles, aren’t I?

I told him politely that text-speak makes me twitchy, which is IN my OkC profile. He said that’s how he texts because he doesn’t have a smartphone, and, “i hate texting all together but im paying my dues until we can meet.”

Yeah, I’m out. I’d told him I was trying to relax after this week sucked the life out of me, but for every text I sent, he sent three. The last time it was five.

Listen, the rule about buttsex also applies to you being in my ass with poorly punctuated texts.

He asked if text speak bugged me THAT much. It does. But combined with you sending five texts with no response, and referring to getting to know each other a BIT via messaging so I’d feel safe meeting in person as “paying my dues?” Oh, sorry I won’t just meet a strange man from the Internet who can’t leave me alone for a day.

I’ve behaved this way, I know, so this is karmic payback. I was clingy with That Guy; I knew it at the time and have considered in hindsight how irritating it must have been. But since then it’s also happened to me with guys I’ve dated/talked to online, and now I’m a reformed Clinger. It’s the WORST, and I’m no longer tolerant or indulgent of it. I admit I can be obsessive, but I work very hard not to burden others with it. (You people notwithstanding. You subscribe, that’s on you.)

Cocky Cupid.

Someone please remind me it’s bad karma to post a man’s OKCupid profile photos for mocking on a public blog.

Remind me that I don’t do that because I know how terrible I’d feel if someone did it to me.


Because I definitely just saw a no-questions-answered profile with only one photo — a bathroom mirror selfie of a naked man with his hand over his penis. (Just one hand….ahem. The other was holding the cell phone. Obviously.)

Good morning to you, too, sir, jeez!

He’s not a bad-looking guy, per se, but it’s not one of those times a man has earned the privilege of posting the naked bathroom selfie. Much like the Marines, those dudes are the few and the proud.

*It’s a joke, I don’t really need the reminder.