Healthcare: The Singleton Payer Option

Conversation with a girlfriend…

Friend: “Did you see a doctor?”

Me: “Yeah, because you see those commercials now where some earnest, well-intentioned woman is all, ‘Hey, is your shit different? You might be dying! Of the lady cancers!'”

Friend: “Well, If your SHIT is different, that’s really never optimal.”

Me: “Yeah, I’m not checking THAT. Whatever that is, if it happens, I’ll just die from it. But my ladybits are good, the doctor told me.”

Venti Triple-Shot Baptist, Extra Foam…tee hee…

Conversation with a friend…

Friend: “Mission: Flirt with Cute Barista. My phone continues to insist that ‘barista’ is not a word and changes it to ‘baptists.’ Not the same thing. Some Baptists don’t even drink coffee, phone.”

Me: “I could flirt with cute baptists. Wait, will a baptist sleep with me? Because if they don’t like coffee OR sex, I might have to discriminate based on religion for the first time in my life.”

Friend: “Depends on how baptist they are. I dated one for 4+ years and he slept with me, but he also was convinced that God would smite him for it. So… I’d avoid them.”

This is what we discuss over lunch.

Conversation with a friend:

Friend: “Man, if semen tasted like peanut butter…”
Me: “Oh, I’d be tapping that shit like a keg.”
Friend: “You’d think God would figure out a way to make that happen.”
Me: “Well, God or Pfizer.”