Abstinence is bullshit.

Dear Body,

I’m really gonna need you to stop thinking about sex, ’cause…you’re not getting any. So can we, like, channel that tension elsewhere? Work? Running? Compulsive cleaning?

The Lelo is your friend. Embrace it. Love it. Let it love you. We’re not fucking right now. Suck it up. Oh…no, wait…


In which I clearly have no choice but to name my vibrator…

I was emailing a friend, and I typed “vibrator” too quickly and my phone autocorrected it to “buckaroo.”

Don’t think I didn’t just re-name my Lelo “Buckaroo.” Actually, “Fuck-her-hoo” is probably funnier.

Giddy up, Fuckherhoo!

A public apology.

I’d like to issue a public apology to two of my lady friends for ever having doubted in the slightest their mutual investment advice re: high-end sex toys.

Used it once, totally worth it. And holy shitsnacks, I can do it again?! Whenever I want? Life rules. And by “life,” I obviously mean Lelo.

(Also, they sell them cheaper on Amazon. Shhh!)