What I Know for Sure: I Don’t.

Things I knew FOR SURE yesterday:
“I am taking a break from this blog and from OkCupid to focus on work and getting my life/health/goals in order. I will write about this break tomorrow night and that’ll be that.”

Things I know for sure today:
“I have a new blog follower (hi!), and received a free book I requested from a publisher so I can review it here. Also, I just saw a man on OkCupid who’s cute, tall, literate, and likes to play naughty in bed but was somehow both forthright and gentlemanly about it.”

Right, then. “Strike that. Reverse it.”

My memory is just fine, Facebook. THANKS.

You know those Facebook Memories where it shows you what you were doing on this day however many years ago?

The one I just saw might as well have said, “Ha ha, remember that time you were about to fuck up your whole life? MAN! Good times,” and then punched me in the stomach.

Eat a dick, Facebook.

All things considered, my life has turned out pretty well, but damn — between careers and homes and relationships and assholes, that was a lot of progress to process before I even finished my coffee. This probably explains why I’m so hesitant to change very much in those realms right now.

Unless Robert Downey Jr. calls. Then all bets are off. And so are my panties. (Joking. I would never have on underwear if I were anywhere NEAR Robert Downey Jr. I would always wear dresses and trampy nightgowns and go commando, so he could have a 24/7 all-access pass.)

The Urban Legend of Squad Goals

I’ve been debating joining a local blogging group, but I’m hesitant, mostly because I really do want this page to stay… I guess SEMI-private? I don’t mind if close friends see it, because they know I’m a sailor-mouth nutcase, but I’d prefer that my dad not, because…ew.

Also, I have some issues with the content, like… I don’t know if I’m ashamed of this stuff or not. This page is basically my id’s blog — it’s what comes out when I let go of my filter, which is admittedly faulty sometimes. I was in mixed company the other night and made some jokes I’d make here, but I was thinking about it afterward, like, “Why did you say that? They’re going to think you’re slutty and you’ve never even DONE that.”

I alternate between a blustery, “Pfft, whatEVER, I give ZERO fucks what these people think. I am awesome and hilarious and my tribe gets me” and “I am a Carrie-Bradshaw-wannabe hack who’s not funny OR sexy, and they’re going to think I’m trashy and find my grandpa and tell him I say ‘fuck’ on the Internet.'”

Much like the rest of my life, I guess it’s time to give some thought to what I want this blog to be — if I want to continue the id of it all, or maybe write something else under my real name. Or both. Or neither.

UGH. THOUGHTS. We’ll add this to career and personal goal development, because you know what I found out, you guys? There are some people who don’t just obtain a job and then pray they don’t lose it. They, like, DO shit to advance their careers and their lives, and they have these, um… “aspirations,” I think was the word? Freaky, right? Next you’re gonna tell me people really floss.

“I’ll show YOU how valuable Elle Woods can be.”

“If you’re going to let one stupid prick ruin your life…you’re not the girl I thought you were.”
— Professor Stromwell, Legally Blonde

Nailed it.

Fuck everyone who isn’t awesome.

In response to my last post, three friends asked if I was OK. One called the person who hurt me “syphilitic and vacant.” One offered to bring me ice cream. And when I apologized to a third for being weak and an asshole, she said, “You’re not weak, or an asshole. You’re human. Life is hard, and painful. Pushing through is what makes us strong.”

My friends are pretty much better than everyone. Onward.