Butt why?

Um, wait…

 

🙋‍♀️

 

But WHY, though?

 

(I KNOW why, but…WHY?)

Except…no…

Top 10 least treat-y “treat yo’self”s…

The tits are alright.

I ordered a few new sports bras from Amazon because mine were all a decade old and pinched my shoulders, and… Y’all, Glamorise is NOT fucking around.

FIVE HOOKS.

And I’m short, so this covers about 1/3 of my back.

The ULTIMATE in mammary security!

Oh. Well, fuck you, too, Victoria’s Secret.

Oh, OK, cool, ‘cause my fat ass needed to save some money not shopping your bullshit, anyway, you word-misusing jagoff fuckface. (Even putting aside this topic, dude sounds like a complete tool.)

Via Jezebel: Victoria’s Secret Doesn’t Want Plus Size or Trans Women Walking the Runway

Take my money. Take it hard.

Via Bust magazine: This Lingerie Campaign Proves That ‘Our Bodies Are Beautiful At Every Angle’

Victoria’s Secret is that she’ll stab you

Achievement unlocked: Took off bra while driving.

Fucking disloyal underwire. 🖕🏼 

In which Target helps me plan my next seduction…

It’s possible this is just because I’m a new woman he’s trying to flatter, BUT… New Dude has complimented my lingerie every time my clothes have come off. So at the very least, he appreciates the effort. But I realized I have limited quantities of sex-worthy underwear — a fifth date hasn’t been an issue in years. Time to call in reinforcements!

RESIST…gravity.

I wore a new bra to work today and I keep getting distracted by my own boobs.

“Oh, hey! How’d y’all get up there?!”

Wonder Woman’s gonna wonder who my boobs even think they’re kidding.

It’s adorable how I just ordered this as if, even in its largest size, it will ever EVER even fit right, let alone function as a sports bra. #HeavyBoobs

My new career as a stripper: It’s handled.

So I searched Amazon for “petite satin pajamas” and…

Damn. That’s a mighty bold interpretation, Amazon.

I wanted Olivia Pope, not Olivia POLE.