Will wed for Swedish home furnishings.

I’m still in bed under a mountain of blankets — LIKE AN AMERICAN. But I’m listening to a Louis C.K. bit where he says, “Who wants to blow their husband? You want to blow a guy you’ve been dating. And he’s mysterious and you suck his cock and go home. Who wants to blow a guy and then go to IKEA with him?”

Um…*raising hand* That’s, like, my dream. You come here right now and add pancakes to that equation, you’ve got yourself a bride, my friend. 

I hope you had the timeline of your life…

Weird sign of the times: a friend announced her divorce on her Facebook timeline. And I “liked” it. (I’m not JUST a dick — it’d been in process a while, and she was genuinely happy it was settled. Still, odd.)

“Divorce is always good news. I know that sounds weird, but it’s true, because no good marriage has ever ended in divorce. It’s really that simple. That would be sad. If two people were married and they were really happy and they just had a great thing and then they got divorced, that would be really sad. But that has happened zero times.”
— Louis C.K.

Why You Should Always Have Sex on a First Date

Why You Should Always Have Sex on a First Date

I don’t agree with all of this, but I do think you should do whatever feels right for you. And I’m a big believer in the Louis C.K. bit where he says you should be able to see the penis right away to make sure you can work with it. Like test driving a car… Teste driving!