I’m so happy we shared this moment.

Entirety of a first message from a 21-year-old on OkCupid:

“Well aren’t you pretty!”

Yes, I am.

*nod*

OK, then. Glad we had this talk.

Girls Gone “Gone Girl.”

I just finished reading Gone Girl, and feel as though I should be more unsettled about the many small ways in which the male protagonist — a suspect in his wife’s disappearance — reminds me of two different men I’ve known.

One in a sweet, “Aw, be my husband!” way, and another in a “Grow the fuck up and use your words, you goddamn man-child” way.

I’m seeing the movie this weekend and am pretty sure Affleck will be perfect casting. Super dreamy, but yeah, I do instinctively just want to punch him in his chin dimple. Well done, Hollywood.

Deer Park, that’s a delicious man!

Email to a friend: “I took my cleavage down to the cafeteria and smiled at my man-child crush who runs the register. He sold me a bottle of water, which is fitting because he makes me wet. Hopefully soon he’ll also make me thirsty.”