I’ll only be able to write about tampons and Lifetime movies.

Well, thank heaven for this distinction. I’d hate to sully your manly journals with my silly lady thoughts.

You might want to think about emblazoning a dick and balls right on the front cover, just to be 100% safe.

I’m surprised they even allow the idea that men could write in a journal. But y’all definitely write only about MANLY things — sports, cars, power tools, World War II, The Shawshank Redemption, and barbecue.

Eat a dick, dude. But make sure you dip it in this first.

A friend sent this to me, and I’m sharing it here as a public service for all y’all concerned your condiments aren’t masculine enough.

Problem solved, people: Manly. Sausage. Meat. “STUFFED FULL OF MEAT,” even. (“Engorged” with meat. “Swollen. Turgid.” “Tumescent?”)

Hell, just dip your dick directly into it.

That said? That shit sounds DELICIOUS. Too bad I can’t eat it — curse my troublesome vagina.

Also, blow me, sour cream is my spirit animal. But again, vagina. Woe. I’m just not MANLY enough to hang with this new concocktion, so I’m relegated to bitch-baby sour cream.