What the fucking fuck, man?

I know I’m a half-ass “lady” at best, but…

A man in my office, who’s old enough to be my father, was just making small talk with me, and he said, “I have jury duty next week. What a pain in the ass, I have to take the fuckin’ train in…”WHOA. Watch your fucking mouth, motherfucker! This is a fucking place of business, and I am a fucking LADY!

Do you, like, smell the hoodrat on me? Is there something about my face that makes you think this is acceptable? It’s not even that I’m a woman — it’s just bad manners, and you KNOW you have bad manners if I’M the one pointing it out. But also… yes, as long as wage gaps and thigh gaps are things I’m just expected to deal with, I do expect a base level of civility and etiquette until you get the all-clear that I’m cool with that kind of rapport, especially at work, especially when you’re a grown-ass man, shitdick.

(I had a similar reaction when a 21-year-old female assistant used “fuck” during our second at-work conversation. BITCH, I am old enough to be your mother, and I will knock the “fuck” right out of your FACE.)

I am nothing if not polite.

Well… I mean, I guess it’d be rude of me to not at least TRY Netflix’s “Top Picks for Smug…”  

Epic new heights of professionalism

I was invited to a party at the home of a former coworker. She and I are cool, but I’m debating whether we’re cool enough that I can ask her what I really want to know before I commit to attending this shindig: will there be any cute male Singletons there with whom I can get drunk and misbehave?

I should get my new summer dress hemmed ASAP, just in case anyone’s face needs to be under it in the near future. I wouldn’t want them to get too hot. It’s called manners?

 

“Keep on, with the force, don’t stop…”

According to my very unscientific research, “Please don’t stop” is a universally hot thing for a woman to say in bed.

Plus, it’s mannerly. We all win.

Problem solver!

There’s also no polite way to ask a guy if he still wants to hang out if you’re unexpectedly still menstruating. ‘Cause he’s a gentleman, he’s not going to say “no.” Hell, he knows there’s breasts and oral sex in it for him at a minimum.

Huh. Well, I just answered my own question, now, didn’t I?